Week Ten: Love yourself

Love Your Body**

For the past week I have been trying to write this blog, I have had to scrap every piece I had written previously on really loving myself because coming from me, this would not have been genuine.  I have not been able to sleep thus putting my appetite and mood off horribly and I have felt really bad about myself. And if I told you all that I had finally found all the self confidence in the world to keep me happy 24/7, then I would just be lying.  I want to teach people how to love themselves and take care of themselves and so the best way I can do so, is to talk about what to do when we fall in and out of caring for ourselves.  

I can describe what is happening through this challenge as this.  Each effort I have made to get myself to the gym by getting over excuses of why not to go and understanding that I can do anything I put my mind to has resulted in an overwhelming climactic firework finale of self-confidence.  I want to stand on the tops of mountains shouting "I love myself" and "I am beautiful" and "beauty has no size".  Those fireworks cease leaving small embers of motivation and if you're not careful, the fire can go out.  So it is your responsibility to feed the fire and by that I mean to take the time each day to look at yourself and think about yourself and to respect yourself.  

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Though it was a hard week, I have gained respect for myself through this challenge that will not go away as long as I am looking at myself (those embers I was referring to).  The truth is, I was not loving myself because I was feeling crumby and I was feeling crumby because I was not taking care of myself.  Luckily, my growth in this challenge has been well-rounded so with a couple checks and balances put into place, I bounced back.  I realize that I need sleep & eat well.  I need entertainment.  I need to let go sometimes.  I need meditation.  I need exercise.  And most of all, I need to spend time caring for myself and listening to what my body needs.  If I need a day lounging or I need a glass of wine with a girlfriend, or extra rest, that's just what I did to get myself back to feeling better.  And of course with a couple rules like being on a 1200 calorie diet until I get to my fitness target and being sure to exercise 4-6 days per week, I have been very successful at following through.  And these are not really just rules but rather life skills (of course I will change my diet when it's time).

The best thing I could have done is to monitor myself and journal through this journey.  I purchased a heart rate monitor.  It has helped me to gauge how fit I have become without using a scale.  And by journeling my food and feelings, I have seen how certain things make me feel good and some make me feel bad.  My emotions support my physical ability and vice versa.  I didn't know this but I have spent the past (I don't even know how many) years, breezing through life not paying attention at all to myself or how I felt or what I needed.  I felt like a zombie.  I was tired, slow, my stomach was always upset, I was grumpy, lethargic, and spaced out.  Now I am far more present and loving and even if I slip up, I am aware of what's going on with my body and I get right back on with it.

I am feeling so proud of myself.  It's nice to be my own biggest fan for once and for all.  I feel happy and pretty most of the time.  And I know I will continue this journey for the rest of my life with a better understanding of what health and beauty really are.

Week 10:  182

**I chose this photo because it has stretch marks.  I am starting to get marks from losing weight but when I see this body, it's beautiful and a good reminder that marks on your body are battle wounds and reminders of hard work.  Whether from having a baby or losing weight these marks are a sign of accomplishment.